Dear Rose Park,
Comparison is the thief of joy. I’m not sure who said this, but I’m glad they did. This quote has been attributed to Mark Twain, Theodore Roosevelt, and C.S Lewis. Regardless of the ownership, these words are absolutely true. We allow ourselves to be robbed of joy when we begin to compare ourselves to others.
The late pastor and theologian Tim Keller was once said, “we are not proud of having money. We are proud of having more money than the next person. We’re not really proud of being smart. We’re proud of being smarter than the next person.” If this is the case, then the opposite is true as well. When we begin to compare ourselves with those around us and realize we are not the richest, the smartest, the most recognized, the tallest, the thinnest, the most accomplished, the _____ you fill in the blank, then we will begin to adopt a posture and lens of shame.
If that’s the case for you or a loved one, it’s no surprise then that we struggle with a sense of identity. We don’t know who we are, and if we do know who we are then we are not comfortable with the person we are because we are constantly comparing ourselves to someone else. Either we are shaming ourselves for not measuring up to those ‘above’ us or we are looking down our noses to shame those who are ‘below’ us. If this is the platform that we are building our identity on, then we will find a severe lack of footing and confidence going forward. In all likelihood, this kind of foundation for personal identity will result in profound insecurities being displayed through manipulation, fear, gaslighting, bitterness, and an overall sense of unkindness.
But if we were able to humbly approach the God of the Universe and realize His love is enough for us, then we wouldn’t have to compare ourselves with anyone. If we were to remind ourselves of the simplicity (and vastness) of John 3:16 perhaps we could find a sense of peace going forward. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Does God’s love have anything to do with you being the smartest? Nope. The most successful? Not in the slightest. The wealthiest? Nice try. Any sort of human achievement or performance? Absolutely not.
God’s love for you comes out His tremendous grace and desire to be in relationship with you. We don’t need to compete for His attention or jockey for position around the table or compare ourselves with others. His love for us is rooted in the fact that He created us. This is all to say, let us no longer allow ourselves to be robbed of joy because of comparison. Instead, let us celebrate the fact that God loves each and every one of us so much that He was willing to put on flesh and live among us. He was willing to give up His place in the heavenly realms to be near us. He was willing to sacrifice His one and only Son to die on our behalf just to be in an eternal relationship with us. Let that be enough for you.
Grace & Peace,
Pastor Mark
Photo by Nikola Johnny Mirkovic on Unsplash